It's time to re-evaluate your relationship (with your home!)

Sure, we spend a great deal of time in cultivating the relationships that we have with other people. Family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances and maybe even your neighbours.

We invest a lot of time, thought, and effort with our chosen professions/careers. If asked to list the Top Ten relationships that govern your health, wealth, sanity and sense of balance, most people would probably neglect to acknowledge their relationship with their HOME.

Throw in the cliche'd catch phrases:

-"Your home is your castle"
-"Home is where the heart is"
- Etc...

But what happens when "Mi casa es su casa" becomes an insult? When your home is no longer a relaxing, rejuvenating and inspiring abode and becomes an energy draining, seemingly hopeless cause of a burden.

We carry on with our lives, constantly living "out there". With work, friends, family, etc.. But let me ask you this... Do you come home after a long day, drop your bag and immediately feel calm, relaxed and inspired? Or do you come home and almost immediately notice all the things that you absolutely HATE about your home?

If your home is TAKING energy from you rather than GIVING you energy, it's time to re-evaluate your relationship. Most people don't have the knowledge, experience, inspiration, or know-how to transform the space they call "home". Fair enough, most of us don't know where to begin and may see the task as perhaps too much to take on. You may be thinking, "I'll just move". But the truth is that the solution and eventual transformation needed is a lot simpler than you think.

In my line of work, I get to see a lot of how different people live. I see a new home almost every other day of the week as people call me to discuss possible renovations. On the one hand, it brings me a tremendous sense of satisfaction when I can work with a client to transform their space and by extension their relationship to that space. On the other hand, I sometimes work with clients who, for a lack of better expression don't value that relationship. We might completely demolish their kitchen and create something in its place using very costly material, intelligently designed, laid out and installed...and within days the beauty of the transformation is lost beneath the layers of clutter that they eagerly place into ill defined positions throughout. Which brings me to my first piece of advice in re-evaluating your relationship with your home:

CLUTTER!

Clutter is THE biggest perpetrator that eats away at the bedrock of a healthy relationship with your home. Like a slow developing cancer, it piles up...something you bought at whim, a present, something you used once but didn't have the heart to throw away, something your mother gave you when you moved out on your own (15 years ago!). It looked like a good idea at the time, so you got it, put it somewhere and moved on with your life. It sat there, has been sitting there...for weeks, months, years. It collects dust, almost never used, living out it's unanimated existence untouched, ignored, rejected by your attention. So what's the harm? It is KILLING your relationship!

A wise man once said "Each increased possession loads us with a new weariness", and another wise man said "Consider all the things in your home that you have not used in 6 months or perhaps a year. Consider the sq/ft'g that it takes up in your home. Divide that by the total sq/ft'g of your home, and divide that figure by your monthly mortgage payment. THAT, is how much you are paying to store junk you don't ever use, every month, year after year."

And to go beyond that, all objects, animate or inanimate carry "energy". In the Feng Shui sense, objects in your home can either deliver or rob the positive energy in your home.

As a very simple example, think of the last time you visited a Spa. If you've never been to a spa (I haven't), think about a place that was LIKE a spa in that upon entry, you were immediately overtaken by a sense of balance, order and beauty in design/architecture. Try to remember how that made you feel.

Now contrast that with the last time you walked into a place (perhaps someone's home), where upon entry you were overtaken by a sense of hopelessness, stagnation, like as if a cloud was looming over your head and energy was being lost. If you're honest with yourself, you know how different spaces carry different energy. Yes, clutter is a big part of that, but the other other part is design and the various materials in that space. Which carries me neatly onto the the next point:

DESIGN

Now that we've acknowledged ENERGY, lets consider FLOW. Energy flows. A well balanced home has DIRECTION. For example, you enter the front door of a house and the FLOW will carry you through the living room, dining room, then onto the kitchen, etc. That flow can be disrupted by the layout of the floor plan, but it can also be disrupted by the layout, placement and size of your furnishings. It should "make sense" vs haphazardly placed around a room "just cuz it fits".

Interior designers and "stagers" know this principle quite well. Your furnishings should work together and maybe even tell a collective, mutually agreable story. This is a little hard to do because chances are, you didn't run out and buy ALL of your furnishings at one time. Most likely, you purchased individual pieces as you progressed with life/finances. Don't worry, in most cases it's just an issue of removing/replacing one or two items in the room. Take the time, make a date with your home on a Saturday/Sunday, and spend some time going through your home. Look through your clutter, go through your stuff and honestly ask yourself whether you REALLY need that item. Most likely, you can even sell it on Kijiji or Craigslist and recoup some of the money. Then, go through your home and look through your furnishings. What makes sense, what needs to go, what can be replaced. Then, go online and get inspired. Get in the car and go visit some shops and see what's out there. You, in all likelihood, will be blown away by the different choices out there if you invest some time investigating. These 2 simple steps can dramatically change your relationship with your home.

Alright, so you've done all that, and theres still something missing. This is where most normal people decide they need a renovation. I like to work with clients that KNOW what they want, and knowing what you want is critical in conveying your dreams to your contractor. Work with a design/build contractor as they offer the most flexibility in both regards. But by all means, research designers/architects. Point is, start working with someone that understands what you like. How do you know? Look at their past work. Most designers/architects have their own particular sense of style/design that explodes and exposes itself in their work. It runs the gammut, but find the one whose portfolio exhibits things YOU want to see in your home.

You would be surprised what some new flooring, paint and fixtures could do to your home. It doesn't have to be complicated. Working with the right professional could be the best investment you make in re-evaluating and improving your relationship with your home.

The best of luck, and may your home bring you years of inspiration, relaxation and at least one other "ation". :)


Toronto General Contractor

Peter Khatami B.A., P.M.P., G.S.C.